So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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