What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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