Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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