Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
