Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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