Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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