yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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