we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
