Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
