Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
