We're facebook friends in real life
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
