U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
