My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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