I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize