Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
