Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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