Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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