I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize