I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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