Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
