haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize