That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
