Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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