The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
