grandma shit on top of the toilet
one might say we're banned from that church
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize