Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
God, I missed his penis.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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