So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
