That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
