very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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