am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
