I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize