At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He's on the porch naked. Help.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
