If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
