The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize