did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I showed him my bush... on skype.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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