After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
