Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
