Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
PANTIES FOUND
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