You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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