i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
