ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
