your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
