note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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