i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
