Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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