Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
