We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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