U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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