What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
