I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
