My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
