I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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