At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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