1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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