You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
