did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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