LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
