In the future we'll all be gay
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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