That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
