hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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