I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
